Week 8 - Self Portrait

I apologize to everyone that I am a little behind this week. I had to think for a long time about this and I'm still not sure if my thinking is fully formed.  I got bogged down in researching symbols and stuck in a pattern of indecision, which often happens to me before, at last, I succumb to intuition.

I wasn't sure how to convey this feeling of uncertainty.  Eventually I decided to create a puppet because I don't yet feel like I'm fully in control of my teaching self.  Often I feel like I am just reacting with stiff, jerky motions to whatever is happening in front of me, struggling to keep up with
the pace of the tune.  And yet, because I have hope that like Pinocchio, someday I'll be a "real teacher", I wanted to embody that spirit of renewal. That's why I'm giving her the wings and tail of a phoenix, that perhaps someday will really fly on her own.  However, after starting this process, I realized that creating the thing I really want to make is going to take about 40 hours of work, and I just don't have that kind of time right now.  I'm posting images of what I started, just so you can see where I was going.  I do hope to finish her because I really love this so far, but alas, it will have to wait.

Instead, I tried to embody the same spirit in a digital collage, which is a little new for me.  I had to have a lot of tech support from my darling husband, but we got through it.

Week 7 Peer Responses

To Slamme/Amy's comment:
I love working alongside my students too and I do so whenever I can, but I have MUCH smaller groups of students than most teachers, and even then, it just depends on what we're working on.  Sometimes it's just not feasible. But when it works, it really works.  The other day my students were working independently with clay on sculptural elements for their totem poles.  None of them really needed me at the moment, so I just started making a nose out of clay for some reason.  The next thing I knew, some eyeballs and a pair of lips showed up in front of me.  It was almost time to clean up, but we decided everyone would contribute a different facial feature and we would assemble it next class.  Looking forward to seeing the absolutely whack-a-doodle thing we come up with.  I guess the point of my story is that what transpired was organic, impulse-based, authentic, and in the moment.  I don't know if it was super deep and meaningful, but I felt more connected to my students in that moment when we were just having fun together. 

To Beth/Erika's comment:
I too need solitude during the ideation phase and especially during the early stages of the actual creating process.  I have to have time to experiment with material in private, without anyone watching.  It really doesn't matter how comfortable I am with that person.  I don't even like my husband around when I first start working on a piece.  I'm much more open to peer feedback once I have my general trajectory established and at times, I have found it crucial to helping me work through a technical or creative problem.  Occasionally, I'm able to "play" in the presence of others, but usually only if I think the work is a throwaway.  There have been times, though, when I've started a "throwaway" piece that ended up evolving into some of my best work. I just can't go into it thinking that that's what's going to happen.  If I do, I'll choke every time.  I REALLY relate to students who have anxiety about creating on command.  I have a hard time in studio classes because of it.  I just really prefer to work in private.  I wonder how many students give up on art simply because the classroom/studio environment just isn't comfortable or conducive to their best work?

Week 7 Reading Reflection

Over the course of my last few years of education, I have encountered Gude's Postmodern Principles a number of times.  I've looked extensively at them through the lens of curriculum and pedagogy as these are foundational concepts in the philosophy of our program.  However, this encounter was different.  Gazing through the looking glass of reflective teaching, I was looking for evidence of these principles in my classroom, my teaching, and my student's work.  What I find is that, although postmodern principles such as these so present themselves in my classroom, I'm not utilizing them to their full potential.

Through both of these articles, in one way or another, Gude is challenging us to really consider how we are cultivating creativity in our classrooms.  It's not the first time I've been asked or have asked that question of myself, and it remains a surprisingly difficult question to answer.  We show up, we present the students with questions, ideas, and materials, and we assume that creativity is being exercised, that growth is happening, that meaning is being made.  Surely, sometimes it is so, but like the dispirited teacher and student described in the playing, creativity, and possibility article, it may not be happening for everyone all the time, or at least not to the degree that may be possible.  Anxiety and Resistance are ever-present daemons for both teachers and students.  How do we master them and take away their power?  If the root of these evils is self-consciousness and fear, only trust can defeat them.  It's not easy to establish trust in the one hour per week you may have with students and once you get it, it remains a delicate, sometimes ephemeral entity.

"Conditions of psychological safety and freedom that make creativity possible are produced, not merely by the teacher's wishes, but rather by how his or her attitude manifests itself in the range of choices the affect course content, work styles, class discussions, peer interactions, opportunities for playful engagement with materials and ideas, and assessment or the lack thereof."

Every decision we make has to be in the service of trust; building it and strengthening it.  Only then can authenticity and creativity come out to play, both for the students and the teacher.

Week 6 Peer Responses

To Katie
I agree with Amy completely!  You don't sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist because it's not so much a conspiracy as a cold hard truth that creative, independent thought is a threat to the status quo.  It has always been so, which is why brilliant thinkers have been persecuted throughout history, particularly in times of struggle and change.  What's amazing is that the creative spirit endures despite all attempts to stifle it.  In fact, it only gets stronger when faced with adversity.

To Erika
What a cool lesson!  I love this idea and I hope you don't mind if I utilize it in the future.  It's interesting that you chose to do this exercise with surrealist art because the writing activity you created is basically the "exquisite corpse" game, which was invented by surrealist artists.  For the second year in row at the Art League, we are doing a show called "interpretations" which pairs artists with writers and asks them to respond to one another's work.  The way it works is, 40 writers and 40 artists submit an original piece of work.  We then pair them up, and each artist and writer has several months to create a second piece responding to their partner's work.  Your lesson would be a really cool way to translate that concept into the classroom and teach about surrealism at the same time.  Is it a coincidence, intuition, or just great minds thinking alike, that I went a very similar route with our visiting student groups from Lee elementary as well as the art teachers I had in for a PD day during that show.  They loved it!

Also, I think the way you handled your upset student and didn't let that derail the entire class is impressive.  As a young teacher, I would have been totally thrown off by a student crying.  I think you did the right thing by taking a moment to talk with her, giving her the time and space she needed, and getting back in the game, because you have 20 (or how ever many) other students to think about as well.  And Katie's right in saying that it's difficult to see everything as it's happening.  Watching the video, in hindsight, you were LOOKING for signs of where things went wrong for this student because you already know that a problem occurred.  In the moment, without that prior knowledge, it would have been very difficult to anticipate and we often don't want to draw too much attention to a situation that might be working itself out.  Making a big scene about some minor little conflict can sometimes just make it worse or more embarrassing for the student.

Week 6 Video Reflection

Watching oneself on video is always a somewhat cringe-worthy endeavor.  However, I really appreciate the value of this experience.  I watched myself with my k-2 group of homeschool students as we read a story, talked about maps, and got ready to go for a walk downtown, plotting our course.  This was kind-of a last minute plan because I wanted to take advantage of the spring-like weather we were having last week.  Overall, I think things went fine, but I noticed several things about my mannerisms and speech that I'd like to change.  For example, I caught myself calling them "guys" pretty often, as in "listen up guys, this is really important".  Upon reflection, I just don't like the sound of that.  I'm not sure what the alternative is.  I need to find a moniker that seems natural and comfortable for me, but is more inclusive, empowering, and at the same time, nurturing.  I also feel like I need to establish more routine with this group.  With the older two groups I can feel a little more community forming.  They seem to know what to do and what to expect when they come into the room.  Partly, I think this has to do with the fact that this group got off to a rough start.  Several of the students weren't there the first day, then we had some people drop and some new people added, so it's only been a couple of weeks with this consistent group.  That said, I also feel like I'm dabbling, not really sure what is going to grab them and get them excited.  It's challenging for me to put myself in the mindset of kindergarteners.  I have a hard time conceiving of what they don't know and what is developmentally appropriate and interesting to them.

One of the goals I set in the beginning of this class was to be more authentic, comfortable, and inside myself when I'm teaching and I think this age group is tripping me up the most.  I find myself acting "different" with them.  Some people I know have such a natural comfortable way with this age group.  They don't mind being silly and that's just not really me.  So I'm still struggling to find an authentic voice that works with this group.  I'm realizing this may be something I need to practice and that I may need to spend more time planning and anticipating challenges with this group than I do with the older kids who are more independent.

Ted Videos
The Sir Ken Robinson video is one which I have seen many times, but it never fails to amaze me.  He tackles so much in just a few short minutes and makes it all seem so clear, so simple, so obvious.  One of the things that hit home during this viewing was the way he discussed aesthetic experiences as a "waking up" of our senses.  It's the feeling of being fully alive and engaged.  I wrote in my journal that I feel a little sad and disappointed in myself because I don't think I'm doing a very good job of this with my kindergarten group, when it would seem that they should be the easiest.  Everything is new and exciting to children at this age, but I don't think I'm taking full advantage of that.  I feel like my lessons are kind-of boring and aren't coming from an authentic place in me. So I need to change that.  I've talked with some colleagues and I have a few ideas.  We'll see how it goes.

The second video I watched was Diana Laufenberg: How to Learn? From mistakes.  I chose this title because I was feeling a little down about watching myself teach and I thought it might offer me some encouragement.  I was hoping this video would help me re-frame my experience right away.  Ultimately, it wasn't what I was expecting, but she definitely made some great points.  For example, posing the question "why do students come to school if it's no longer to get the information? (the information is all around them)is a great way to frame and explain the paradigm shift we're experiencing in 21st century education.  Her teaching philosophy appears to be student centered and progressive which resonates with me as well.  What I'm still wondering is, how? It's one thing to say that if you get students excited and invested in something and let them take responsibility, they will show up and do great things.  I believe this to be true.  But how?  How do you get them excited in the first place?  I found myself wishing that this talk were a little longer and that it contained more personal anecdotes and stories about the day to day classroom experience.  I think that's what teachers want to know.  This kind of talk is great for convincing the general public that we need to think differently about education, but teachers need to know how.  We want to know how.  I realize that Ted might not be the right forum for that.  Showing teachers how can take years of dialogue, experience, and reflection.  But I guess that's where I am now.  I'm convinced.  I'm on board.  Show me how.